if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
