Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize