I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize