whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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