So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
