butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
