My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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