Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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