shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
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