Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
