I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
