i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
