I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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