If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
