i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
