there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i now understand why vodka
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
