I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
