grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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