you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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