Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
