god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
