Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
