I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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