Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize