TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize