What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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