there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
