A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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