I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
