"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
