Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
