I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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