ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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