On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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