I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
