He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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