I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
