I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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