What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
