We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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