his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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