Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
