i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
