I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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