the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
