I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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