i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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