Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
