PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
