I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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