i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
