you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
