so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
