Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
