youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i think i just lost a toe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
