I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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