HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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