guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
