All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize