plz talk dirty to me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
