It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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