That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
