every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
