I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
