I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
