Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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