we're blogging at a bar
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
