I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
