Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
