if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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