Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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