i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want her autograph on my taint
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize